Look After Yourself To Look After Others

 

I’ve always been the type of person to put others first, it’s just in my nature, I’d prefer to put a smile on someone else’s face rather than my own. I sometimes feel I do it to my own detriment, I think sometimes I’m too nice! In my nice-ness I more often than not leave myself deprived. I find myself trying to please everyone, bending over backwards for people and when I feel as though they “don’t appreciate it enough” it pisses me off!

It all starts with you, If you don’t take care of yourself you have nothing to give anyone else!

Don’t get me wrong I’m not promoting selfishness I’m promoting self-love and the only way you can love yourself is by putting your needs first.

Instead of doing that PO for your boss after work hours and missing your gym time tell him no way your off home! Exercise is a key part of looking after yourself. I’m not saying you have to be the next Arnie but staying active stimulates your mental as well as your muscles.

Don’t wake up 30 mins before you have to go to work and fling your clothes on take pride in your appearance! Dressing well can make people view you positively (Sad I know but it’s the world we live in) Look good and feel good! I’ve always been a rough n ready sort of guy; the way I saw it, I like me, I think I’m a cool guy fuck what anybody else thinks but unfortunately it’s not like that. It all comes down to nonverbal communication. Through judgement people attach attributes to you, these can be positive or negative depending on how well you look after yourself. It speaks volumes when someone is well put together people want to be around them and they appear super social and confident. So things like eating healthy, exercise, good hygiene and getting enough sleep all impact your image and can portray certain characteristics just be careful of the messages you’re sending out!

 

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“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self”

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Head Smash!

Sometimes life can get like this:

 

 

I know for me it has recently with my job search. Its weird, usually I start looking for a job  and my phone won’t not stop ringing it becomes irritating after a while. On average I have applied for 20 jobs a day for the past few weeks and strangely I haven’t got one phone call back?! I don’t think its my CV because its up to date and as I said before it worked wonders for me previously and my cover letter seems fine for the roles I’m applying for. I think that everyone gets stuck sometimes the only difference is the way successful people handle it and the choices they make to get out of it.

People say Aaron forget those Marketing roles its a tough industry that doesn’t even pay that well go into sales or recruitment its easy to get into and you can make some serious bucks. You know what I have been tempted but on the other hand I feel committed to achieve what I want to achieve and go where I want to go. I’m sure they told Obama he would never be president and I’m pretty sure he’s the guy in the White house at the moment.

My feeling of stuck-ness got me thinking….. Does money bring happiness? And you know what I’ve never really been a money orientated person but being in this situation has shown me the impact it can have. Money=Choices=Freedom its that simple.

What do you lot think? Can Money Bring You Happiness?

 

 

 

Reading List for the next few Months

For Somebody who loves to write I hardly read books… As you all know Iv recently been trying to  give up smoking and I have remained cigarette-less :). I have decided to really dive into reading as its something I do genuinely enjoy but “haven’t had the time” to do. I am going to read a book every month I think that’s a decent enough time frame and these are the first three on my list:

Any recommendations would be more than welcomed in the comments section and I plan to incorporate the main takeaways from each book in my new blog posts!

 

 

 

Cold Turkey Time!

At 16 I smoked my first cigarette trying to impress an older girl who probably doesn’t even remember my name now. Fast forward 7 years and I still smoke! The amount of money I’ve wasted is probably ridiculous! Actually I’m going to do the math! £4.50 (10 pack of mayfair kingsize cigarettes)  x 7 (week total) is £31.50 a week. £31.50 x 4 (4 weeks in a month) = £126 a month, x 12 (to find out the year cost) is £1512. £1512 x 7 (for the total years I’ve been smoking) is £10,584…….. As Im writing this I feel physically sick!! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Lets see how much time I’ve wasted as well!  lets say it takes me 2 minutes to smoke a cigarette x 10 (amount of cigarettes I smoke a day) = 20 minutes. If I x the 20 minutes  by 7 = 140 minutes per week. To find out how many minutes in a month I do 140 x 4 = 560 minutes a month x 12 = 6720 mins a year. If I take that total x 7  (total amount of years I’ve smoked) = 47040 minutes. There is 1440 minutes in a day so if I take the 7 year total and divide it by 1440 I get 32.6 days just smoking…..

Are you having a laugh?! so over 7 years I have spent approximately £10,584 and 32/33 days just on smoking cigarettes?! that is absolutely atrocious!

I have tried to quit many times before the longest I’ve ever quit for was a year….. I went to Amsterdam and it all went downhill. But it hit me today, we always do things for a reason so I asked myself why do I smoke?  To be very honest there were two reasons. The first was it was a release it’s always been a getaway. The second was BOREDOM… when I was bored it gave me something to do, when I think about it its absolutely stupid! I think the biggest discovery from questioning myself  was that it was a real getaway. Instead of dealing with problems head on I’d run away from them and be comforted by a cigarette almost like a dummy for a baby.

This feeling of getting away is prevalent in my drinking habits also I’m sure for many others as well. When I sat there and asked myself, when do I drink and usually its when I’m mega pissed off, socialising or at a party. I don’t think drinking socially or at a party is a problem but drinking alone when your pissed off is. I suppose drinking and smoking has always been a coping mechanism for me but really it isn’t because your not actually facing your problems your running away from them.

I have been cold turkey for two days now and I am surprised how much I am actually addicted to smoking. Ive been sweating, feeling tired all the time, feeling depressed and generally feeling very shit. The second day hasn’t been too bad but I keep getting thoughts like just have one but I’ve stayed strong and resisted. Ive always felt like I’ve never had a choice when it comes to smoking “All my mates smoke! How am I going to survive?  What about when your in the smoking area of a club?  What about when your having a drink?” But you know what they are all excuses, I was never born with a cigarette in my mouth and when I think about all the time and money I’ve wasted its defiantly not worth it! I’ve learnt over time that the small changes we make can lead to bigger ones as well so this is just the start for me and I hope it inspires a new start for you!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

 

 

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Fuck This Shit Can Change Your Life!

Have you ever had a moment where you’ve just thought “Fuck this shit!” yeah I definitely thought you did!  I’ve had one recently. You sit back and think you know what I’ve given all I can to this and I’m done! I’m finished! No more! To some it sounds like giving up but to me it sounds like CHANGE. In life some people plod along comfortably, scared of what could be because they already know what they have and on the other hand you have people living a life they don’t desire but somewhere down the line my bet is they both have a “Fuck this shit” moment.

I’m not saying here to act irrationally, I wouldn’t advise you to karate kick your boss because he keeps pissing you off no no no. The key to this is SELF HONESTY. It’s all well and good having a positive outlook, this blog is all about positivity but it’s a self improvement one also and sometimes we do need to assess our situation and be honest with ourselves.

I’m a writer so I wrote my “Fuck this shit” moment all down; from not being able to drive to not being able to afford go on holiday this year and the rest! The funny thing is I’m sure many of us have the same issues but in that moment we feel so hard done by and we feel like we’re the only person on the planet who has these feelings of frustration when in reality were not and there are plenty more worse off. That severe feeling of frustration usually appears because were thinking unconsciously, letting our heads get the better of us by blowing things all out of proportion.

The “Fuck this shit” moment can only be effective when you think about your issues consciously that’s why I find it best to write it down and look at it a few minutes later so you can attack your problems. I find writing it out allows me to get it off my chest and revisiting it a few minutes later allows me to gain perspective and logic in order to really assess how I can move forward.

I think Actually I know, some people have changed there lives dramatically for the better by really understanding and listening to what they truly want, it’s easy to allow the monotonous everyday to muffle the sound but this sudden realization really helps to discover what you truly desire!

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Trust In The Path You Walk

Trusting in yourself and the path you walk can be a tricky thing especially if you’re going through a tricky time. Challenges arise in life it’s just a part of it, once you get that into your head you approach them differently. I strongly believe we go through things for reasons, whether that is to prepare us for a harsher challenge down the road or to make our near successes sweeter. Achieving things without tough times doesn’t make the success feel better inevitably it makes it substandard.

I have now developed a strong trust in myself which I am extremely proud of. I don’t think I’m perfect I know I will make mistakes but I trust in my ability to overcome them! I sit back sometimes and reflect on my life and think about what I have been through, what I have overcome and were I am heading. Even when I think about the bad mistakes I’ve made I always think to myself it’s irrelevant, I’m here in this present time and I have the power to make those changes TODAY!

A big portion of our time is spent questioning why we are in this situation but at the end of the day you are and you can either keep questioning it or trust in your ability to deal with it!

JUMP MAYNE!

It’s Not About The Cards Your Dealt But How Your Playing Your Cards!

Choices, choices choices! Don’t be a passenger in life learn to drive! Feeling helpless is a lack of control however you are in control you just don’t know it yet!

Everyone has 24hrs in a day equally the only difference between us is the way we spend our time due to the choices we make. There is a lot of power in realising that we are in charge of our own lives and our level of happiness.

Too often I have waited for big things in my life to occur like a holiday or graduation or getting a new job to be happy. I think the secret here is that happiness should be an everyday thing. It shouldn’t just be when something major in your life happens because they don’t come around quick enough, you’ll always be miserable.

Im CHOOSING HAPPINESS!

I think that simply trying to be happy is a great step towards increasing your happiness. I recently read, “Motivation is more of a result of doing something than it is a source to pull.” This made great sense for me and was a real eye opener! Too many times I have sat there thinking I can’t be bothered I have no motivation at all I just don’t feel good today I’ll start tomorrow (Never happens). This is where I’ve been going wrong all along! We are creatures of habit; this can be a gift or a curse. Making the first few steps towards what your trying to achieve provides the motivation you need to succeed it won’t just come to you miraculously.

Feeling like we have no control over out life leads to negative choices always remember you have a choice it’s just up to you to make the ones that make you the happiest & make a habit of it!

 

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Dealing with Disappointment

The feeling of disappointment can be one of the most exhausting emotions we have and can be perpetuated if it’s not dealt with correctly. I applied for a graduate marketing job and was super excited about the telephone interview I had schedule. I’ll admit when I have an interview I don’t always revise the company. I have been interviewing quite frequently and its quite time consuming and annoying when you put your effort in and you don’t get the job. This job however was different it had all the elements on my checklist, career progression, good salary, and so forth so I put my all into revising in attempt to secure the role. I had the telephone interview a few days later and felt it went really well however I received an email the next day saying I was unsuccessful. I was totally devastated and I’m sure many of you can relate! At the moment I feel trapped in terms of work, my bitter disappointment led to me feeling shit all week but in this disappointment I learned a few things.

Sometimes the best way of dealing with disappointment is to be disappointed, let your emotions out!  Im not saying here I sat and cried about it but I was very pissed and felt like I was going to smash something (for a few hours). This isn’t always a bad thing, letting your emotions out helps you to get rid of all that negative energy surrounding you.

Exercise is another great way of releasing your anger I should have went to the gym instead of moping around in bed all day, but at least now I see where I went wrong. Whilst moping in bed I was listening to depressing music with negative lyrics, which just amplified my mood of feeling shit. Music can influence our emotions massively so think about the songs your playing that’s another thing I learned!

Me being in bed all day didn’t really help either, we are social creatures so isolating yourself doesn’t help. I should have called a mate or a family member to talk about it, a problem shared is a problem halved. It’s always good to seek advice from others because your view of the problem is clouded by your mood. Once you have had that convo with somebody its good to sit back and think about the bigger picture and gain perspective. In my case I was unsuccessful in getting a job I wanted, hardly life threatening. Sometimes its good to flip your problems and be grateful that you even have them. In my case I should be grateful that they were interested in me and that I have a first class degree a lot of people don’t even have the chance to go to Primary school let alone University.

But for me personally this blog is more than a blog its therapy! Writing about problems allows you to think about them more clearly. Some people write about their problems and rip the paper up but me personally I like writing about it and reading what I wrote a few days later, which allows me to reflect and see how I came through it.

All in all I think that the main reason for me feeling so disappointed was the fact that I put my all in. Thinking about it now it should never be a reason for disappointment. Unconsciously I wasn’t trying enough so at least if things didn’t go my way I could at least say fuck it I didn’t try anyways which is extremely petty. Now I feel proud that I tried my best even though I “failed” I gave it a bloody good go! As one door closes another one opens always remember that!

 

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Scars Will Scab

 

What cripples us most in the face of uncertainty?

For me personally and many others I’m sure it is the fear of being judged. Where does this innate paranoia originate? Is it because of past negative experiences? Part of it probably is but ask yourself: Where has the fear of being judged got me? Has it ever resulted in a positive outcome? The chances are it has never ever done that for you.  The worst part about the fear of other people’s judgment is that you become consumed with judging yourself, usually very harshly.

I mean this in the kindest way possible but people out there do not give a shit about the fact that you are wearing odd socks today or you approached a woman and got turned down. People are way too busy thinking about their own lives to severely worry about yours and that’s the harsh truth.

Upon reading this you may think Aaron you baldy I thought this was a blog about positivity but wait hear me out. In knowing that people do not care about you as much as you think why on earth would you care about their opinion?  It’s an extremely liberating outlook and mindset that allows you to truly express yourself without the fear of “Caring.” Taking a risk and being yourself is what life’s all about it allows you to expand your comfort zone further and further making things you used to worry about appear minor. The greatest part about being yourself is you filter out the people who you genuinely do not get along with which is not a bad thing, not everybody likes everybody!

So whether the outcome is good or bad it doesn’t matter. Nobody cares except you anyway and to be quite frank you should pat yourself on the back for being yourself. When we fear being judged it’s usually because we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. For some reason being vulnerable is considered weak especially amongst us men. Think of it like this, we go to the gym, lift weights to break down our muscle right? Then what do we do? We go and eat shitloads of protein. Vulnerability is our bench press and experience is our protein, whether the outcome is good or bad it will always make us stronger regardless. 

At 21 years old my hairline was a mess! I was super paranoid about it. Every time the wind blew my heart sped. It might sound really trivial to a lot of people but to me it was a huge thing. One day I woke up and said you know what Fuck it my hairline is receding and I’m going to do something about. I hopped out the barber chair a bald man and never looked back since! Sure when people I haven’t seen in a while saw me they were really shocked some liked it some didn’t but at the end of the day I liked it. It was one of the most liberating things I’ve ever done! I felt so good about myself that other people’s opinions meant nothing because I did what I wanted to do!  To be very honest people gravitate to you more when you own who you are anyway so worrying about what other people think of you is completely pointless.

I’m not saying here that nobodies opinion counts those that positively contribute to your life should be heard. But at the end of the day its your life, its 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we react to it!

 

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The McGregor Mindset

We all find ourselves in frustrating situations from time to time however it acts as a reminder that things need to change. A few days ago my mate managed to land a dream job! I was super happy for him as I have seen what it took for him to get there and if anyone deserved it it was him. Him landing the job brought me on to thinking how important it is to find inspiration from others to gain motivation for yourself.

It doesn’t have to be people you actually know either. My brother told me about this big UFC fight McGregor vs Diaz and that Connor McGregor was the best thing since sliced bread. I must admit I’m not really a UFC fan I’m more into boxing myself. Since I was going to watch his fight that night i decided to see what I could find on Youtube. Immediately I saw McGregor’s documentary: Rise to Fame.

After watching it I had to take my hat off to the man what a legend! He went from claiming off the social to being one of the biggest names in UFC in 6 months?!  From watching his documentary you could see how much he believed in himself and it propelled him to stardom.

After watching Diaz almost strangle McGregor to death his post match comment really stuck with me “It is what it is I’ll face it like a man.” Even with a battered face, bruised body and ego he still believed in himself 100%. This unwavering self belief is probably the reason why he is where he is today. The change he has made in his life has been major!

He was not pushed by his problems but led by his dreams and we all should be too!

mcgregro

 

(I do not own and did not create any images or video content on this article. No copyright infringement intended)